Well Then...

Well if I haven't told  any of you today Merry Christmas. Today was awkwardly good with the family ! We had so many laughs and stuff. I'm actually glad that I came to Atlanta this weekend becuz if I didnt then I would have been alone and bored for Christmas which would have been LAME! Anyways, Brian gave me the best Christmas Gift ever. He asked HB for me to skype me on Christmas and he was like...me being me I fucked it up. I really think that I'm a none fucking factor to him. Gotta get over the fact that maybe that we will never be friends or anything more. I messed that up long ago...-sigh- I could use a glass a wine right now...it couldnt hurt forreal. Everyone was mad that I didnt make a move on Chris for Christmas and not skyping him. I think I hurt Derek too when he was playing and I kinda went off. I hope that this doesnt effect our friendship...Im gonna ask Chris can we skype in the morning...if not ol well...look what i've done

Can I get a window seat (Part I)

December 8, 2011...Lol hey bloggers. Today is actually 12/9/11. Last night I was knocked out. Ummm...what the hell happened yesterday? Oh I had classes...they went pretty well. Also had to work...it was cool. That was an improvement.  I had a dream about A.L. the other night. I wonder how I can like a person so much that I never dated or know little about. I mean, In my dream it seemed like we knew each other forever. We were laughing and smiling and hugging. Maybe I should make moves. I wanna get him some for Christmas...(Suggestions needed)

Going thru Changes...

December 7, 2011...Keeping up with these journal entries. I went to class today at 9:15 and afterwards hit the mall for this haircut and went to Kay Jewelers to see what I was going to get my mom for Christmas. My grandma been hollering about this charm bracelet that shes been wanting us to buy her for like 3 years. Since I got a job, I guess i'll buy it this year. Anyways I came home to clean up some. I think Im going to stay in this weekend. I mean, I dont feel like being bothered. I need to get ready to make these individual blogs for Christmas for ppl. Havent thought about no one today and tbh Im kinda glad that I didnt. Moving forward and worried about myself...tbh I'll probably relapse.Oh well I love the quietness today..why cant every day be this perfect?

Notebook...

December 6, 2011...Today was cool. Had class today. After that, I chilled with my two favorite people my sister Maurii and Ty Archie! They went to the nail salon to get they nails done and eyebrows arched. They looked very pretty (like they dont everyday) :) . I gotta find some to do to keep us cuttinup. When I came home, I cooked & laid down. Odee tired. Havent had descent sleep in forever. Soon as I decided that I was finna go back to sleep...little annoying called#GoFigure. I hate that I gave him my number..HE SO FUCKING ANNOYING. It might just be becuz I get bored with people very easily. Anyways, I had a good talking with Ty & Maurii. They read my shit like its glass. Thats why I love them o so much. In 2012, I have only one thing I wanna work on....#Fear. Its slowly controlling my life and ruining it. Its alot of shit I could have had by now if it wasnt for it.Welp, Im calling it a night

One Step At A Time...

December 5, 2011...today was a long productive day. Facing the fact that I'm going to be alone for the Holidays. Today, I was with my ace Murphy all day. We vibed to the Drake : Take Care Album. Ma, when I say that shit relates to me...it really does like I was trying my best not to cry infront of Murphy. She's never seen me cry...no one has. Right now, I'm listening to Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson. I love it really...I've noticed that most of my blogs deal with finding love...always backtracking. Like, I'm always talking about H.B...what does that mean? Does he ever think about me? I doubt it...I'm just taking it one step at a time like Jordin told me to do. Its really hard...I wanna be alone and emotionless...It would be better. One more week til finals and afterwards I'll turn my phone on.I'm just glad that I'm doing well in school cuz I dont play that lol. Anyways...Im calling it a night on this blog #Night

Long Way Down...

December 4, 2011...I never thought that I'd have to use this title. Today was cool. Went Christmas shopping with my grandma and mom (#NewTradition)! I really enjoyed it until I messed up the car...but its okay now. It was just the sensors in the tire that went bad but I fixed it.Right now...Im on the phone with my friend Brian and  he's talking about his bf #SucksForMe...He told me that he thinks that H.B. has a boyfriend according to twitter. -__-. Two steps forward...seven back. I feel a little numb...maybe its them sleep pills. I feel as tho we in a movie...I'm the friend that always liked you and never date becuz you dont notice WHATS IN FRONT OF YOU. I date other people to distract/stall my feelings that I have for you and run away from the truth. God keep me...#adios

The Rain...

December 2, 2011..."Its funny but I cant laugh. Its so sad but I cant cry. It doesn't mean there's nothing left inside..." <<<<these words by Kelly Price haunt me during the day. I basically stayed at home in my jogging pants and night shirt. Just a chill day I guess. I was off work (Thank you jesus!)...couldnt be bothered. Mike came over today and chilled with me. He said that I've changed alot...but I dont see it. I'm doubting that I make arrangements to go to Philly for Christmas becuz my friend Brian told me that H.B.will be in New York. #SucksForMe...still coming up with how I'm going to ask him to skype me on Christmas. My sister Maurii been down lately...which effects me. We're gonna get better tho...I know we will. I'm praying for that day when I can finally be happy again...until then #GoFigure...

Still Standing...

December 2, 2011...Today was okay. I passed that test in Blanding class so I was like alright alright. Lol. Didnt do much after class. Came home and basically chilled. I really need to clean up this apartment tho...especially my room.#GoFigure...found out that LacQues removed me as a friend on Facebook. Smh, I could really care less. You can only call & text me when you need money because you know my financial standings. I prefer not to help you if your going to continue to use me. I mean, certain friends i'd go to the end of the world for....he was one but not anymore. The older I got, I realized that money does change you. In fact, I bettered myself. I'm using my money to further my education than high school and making myself financially stable. #LessonLearned...anyways, on the bright side, I plan on asking H.B to skype me on Christmas & while skyping him I'm going to ask for his new digits. I dont know how to ask him how to skype me (suggestions are needed LMAO).

Dear Old Marco

December 1, 2011...sitting on the side of my bed just relaxing for a minute. Had a good, productive day. Went to class. After class I went over my homegirl Keiarre house. We just chilled and chatted. Went back up to the school to go to the library to tweet and facebook. To my surprise, this dude just outta no where chatted me and was like hey. I was like he. He was okay. I was really flattered. I mean, its not like i've never been told that Im cute or sexy...me being a model I get it all the time..but his was different.He eventually asked for my number and I gave it to him. He suppose to be calling at 9. Lets see how this goes...#shoutout to Simone. Lmao, she was cutting up on twitter asking about them digits. Made my day :). One of my friends told me that H.B. was sad lately. Thats a bummer...I might need to check in. When I eventually get the balls to...

Everything is Everything...Right?

November 31, 2011... Man I'm cold as shit. These weather changes are really effecting me. Smh, anyways...last Tuesday my mom childhood friend & practically my uncle was shot. My mom went to view his body at the funeral home. I really couldnt go becuz I couldnt really deal with that forreal. Instead, my mom showed me a picture. He was dressed real nice but I still cant accept the fact that he's dead tho. I mean, I had just seen him the day of the shooting. Wow...shit got real. Anyways, me and Jerk Face got to arguing over Beyonce & Fantasia. Everybody knows I'm a die hard Fantasia Fan and I will not let him disrespect her in front of me. Like, he so fucking ignorant. I'm very glad that I dont date that jackass. #iCantDeal lol. Since we missed Dr. D's birthday and I was off work today...we threw her a surprise party. She really enjoyed it which made my day. After that...came home, went to sleep. After this, headed to the shower and look for me somewhere to live. Maybe Florida, Jersey, Colorado, or California becuz Alabama is really not cutting it no more. Probably move in the next to years just to guarantee that my grandma is situated. -Sigh- well I best get started...#Dueces. 

Bitch Please...Lol!

This blog is from November 29, 2011...First off, hey bloggers! Today was okay. Had class at 11:30 this morning. My professor...Dr. D wasnt there. Usually if she wasnt there, she'd leave our assignment on her desk..but she didnt -__-. Instead, she left some bitch in her slot. This lady was rude as shit to us. Keep in mind, we all young adults and she looks like she's in our age range. I'm basically like...really. So she's not even teaching us shit...no she's texting okay and raising hell. Eventually, me and her gets to arguing becuz I will not be disrespected by no one. Most of our class starts arguing with her becuz she talking to us like we shit...expecially me. Like all she kept saying was "I got 3 degrees...y'all get y'all!" BITCH PLEASE...you went to community college...not a 4 year institute. So as I see it, I'm higher than you love. I didnt let that ruin my day tho. Went and did my photoshoot and came home. Right now, Im listening to Jazmine Sullivan. Welp, finna call my sister Vinsetta and off to bed...#dueces.

Unknown

This blog is from November 28, 2011... Feeling pretty good...just got off the phone with jerk face. ( I can do alot better.) Today is my best friend/brother birthday Bohdi. Havent talked to him in a while since he's in the Army. I kinda miss our convos...along with our other twam (twitter family). We really need to meet up one year...Me, Boh, Kario, & Kajh. Even tho we barely get to talk to each pther due to working, school, etc. we check in every now and then. We'll work on that. Anyways, its 1:32 am, still raining. I have class in less than 7 hours...#GoFigure. Not really sleepy....just me, this bottle of verdi, and Marsha Ambrosius. "Far Away" is whats playing...song seems so damn long but I love it. Right now..."whats on my mind?"....A.L. is. Its like Im consumed with him #NoStalkerShitTho. I mean I wouldnt mind talking to him again...fear.

Flashback

This blog is from November 27, 2011...I'm just not waking up. Its 6 o'clock un the evening  and its pouring down raining. Basically, I slept the whole day away. My dreams were pretty awkward today.  Before, I start on that, I had a good conversation today with my grams. We was talking about new christmas traditions ( I know I'm grown but shit I still miss my childhood.) Anyways, my dreams today were basically flashbacks from 2010 & 2011. I'm not sure where they came from, but I enjoyed some of the clips. Some of them where about HB...guess thats the answer to my prayers. The scenarios in the dream seemed like they use to be...us talking everyday...laughing..etc. But then I had a dream about my friend brother..A.L. Even tho I havent been around him much, they showed times where I was happy with him. #Confused ... at the beginning of 2011, I promised myself I was gonna do some epic shit. I did some but I consider this year an epic fail. None of my other expectations were met becuz I didnt make them...fear. 2010, Im not gonna make any new years resolutions. I'm just going with the flow...make them along the way. :)

Someone Like You

This blog is from November 26, 2011...Its 5 o'clock in the morning & I'm still up. Been clearing my head & thinking alot about my future. I'm exploring the options that maybe...just maybe... we might not ever be together. It hurts to face reality when its ready to kick you in the ass. Yesterday I was on facebook going thru my messages looking for one of my aces number. It loaded some of me and HB old messages instead. Me being me...I read that shit...but this time I didnt get emotional. I analyzed, smiled, laughed, shed a tear, & arcived the messages. The reason I did that is because I realized how much I actually liked you. Lately, i've been listening to Adele. My friends tell me her 21 album reminds them of me so I had to hear it for myself. 'Someone Like You' really related to this situation. The old clishy.."If you love someone you'll do anything to make them happy." I'm letting my emotions get the best of me. Lately I've been having one of my friends brother on my mind. He's smart, funny, independent, & hella cute. We talked on the phone once but ever since then he just stuck in my mind tho....

One year anniversary...

Today was okay. I wasnt really planning on spending the day with the family but my mom suggested I did. I went over my aunt already with my I righteously dont give a fuck attitude. They say throughout my teenage years I was never rebellious, but they say I waited til now to be rebellious. Change...maybe I'm just not the same Marco I used to be. Maybe, maybe I just grew up and learned to be smarter and wiser with my heart. Anyways, while over my aunt house I made it perfectly clear I didnt wanna be there at first. I kept saying lil fly shit like "Ughh I'm ready to go home!" lol Im so mean. Anyways...ate and dipped. Came home...now peace and quiet. Man, memories circled my damn head. A year ago was the first time I talked to HB on the phone. We had so much fun. I started crying like a minute ago but its apart of the process I guess. Tomorrow will be the first time he called me...GO Figure. I tweeted him like last Thursday and Friday and we talked all day :) we suppose to meet up in Philly and see each other next month so lets see how this goes. Gotta drop like 20 pounds before I go because I feel like i've gained and modeling is not gonna have that...anyways gotta go Soul Food on. Happy Thanksgiving readers

Angel in Disguise

This blog is from November 22, 2011...

    Today was the worst day ever...but its cool. I had to walk in the pouring rain all the way from Ensley al the way back to Fairfield. My new sweater was soak & wet along with my pants and new shoes. I called my mom to come pick me up but she didnt answer. I called my aunt to come & she sent me to voicemail...#GoFigure. Right now I righteously dont have shit to say to any Morrow except my grandma and great uncle. The rest I could give two shits about because I realized today that in this world you only have yourself. You came alone and you'll leave alone. Anyways, while I was walking home, a lady...I think her name was Ms. Isiah stopped me & made me come in her home. She gave me some clothes, shoes, and a new jacket to put on so I wouldnt catch a cold. Offered me some coffee and all. The nicest person I've ever met...kinda reminded me of my great grandma. I call her an angel because no one shows southern hospitality anymore. I will never forget her. Gotta go pick her up a christmas gift. They say good things come to those who do good things...guess today was my turn.

Why I?

This blog is from November 21, 2011...

     Trying some new by writing in a journal...that is because I dont have internet anymore which throws off my blogging. Anyeays things have changed. With my great grandma's death a year ago I really dont have anyone to talk to anymore because no one understands me like her. She understood everything I went thru. Then my great aunt death this year. Go figure huh...school is really stressing me out because I dont have much support. Never did I know that your family could be so downing tho. They call themselves "keeping it real/100" but in the end they aren't. I really just wanna move & start fresh. Tired of the same ol drama. Today, I learned that one of my aunts are faker than the horse in Beyonce's head. My mom lied on me (which made me 38 hot.) Never have I lied on my my mom so when she did me it pissed me the hell off. Anyways, I'm out...

Realization

So in still in Georgia. Im sitting here on the couch texting my sister Maurii an somehow H.B. gets moved into the conversation. I tell Maurii everything, but I failed to tell her why me and HB had stop talking a long time ago and became back friends. I told her the story and she was like omg I never knew any of this. Lol guess it hit her just as bad as me. Like she really felt my pain which I think she did. We're talking about the situation now and she's basically like you two should just talk and tell each other how you feel. (She really wants me to best friends with him) I feel like the more days I spend thinking on the idea of trying to talk to him the more harder I'm gonna have to work to get back to that close friend zone. #CantWinFromLosing

Recieving the Pieces Of Me

They say God works in mysterious ways....ways that we dont quite get at that point in time but when we sit down, take the time, and open our eyes we see shit thats actually been sitting infront of us. I wasnt aware of what was infront of me until it actually walked away. Lately i've been doing good. Been putting that extra effort into my school work that I've need (Thats why I havent been blogging much #CantWinFromLosing). So far I'm still single. . . & not looking at all. Lol. I mean dealing with another partner while in school is basically a set up for failure. With me getting a modeling internship, taking care of my grandma, and going to school. . . I doubt if I have time for anyone and their drama. This week me and my sister Maurii were in the library at the school and she did the most funniest, sneakest, sly thing ever. We were sitting there writing out our rough drafts for class and I showed her HB profile on twitter. She was like "Do I follow him?" I was like "Idk who you follow on your damn twitter! lol" So without me looking she clicks follow on her phone and then she tweets him "Aye sexyy, can I buy you a pepsi?" Keep in mind now I'm still on my grind doing this paper. She just tweeting him away on her profile. So she starts back writing her paper and she told me to text her boyfriend that she was still writing out her paper from her phone. I grabs her phone and she left it on twitter so Im going thru her mentions and they been having a full convo...about me! Lol. Okay so she was like "You want a diet or regular pepsi?" and he replied Regular. So she was like "Cool, i'll have my brother bring it to you." he was like who's your brother? (Keep in mind me & Maurii looks nothing alike) she was like Marco! He was like oh wow. Then she replied let me stop before he finds out and kill me (She knows me oh so well!) Lol, he was like LMAO why? She was like long story, just knows that he still cares about you and that your always on his mind. This part coming up is what really made my day...when he was like "Awww Really? :') " She was like yeah you two should talk soon. . . and so on and so on. I'm just happy that he knows that i'll never forget. . . even if we are just friends that fine with me. I just gotta learn how to face my fears and start back communicating with him before he thinks I disappeared on him and dont really give a fuck. But anyways, right now Im in my room at our house in GA. Cant wait to go back home to Bama tomorrow even tho I gotta come right back here in 2 weeks...by then I should have some good outcomes. #Hopefully...anyways #Shoutout to my followers that read my blog. Its been breezy but I'm finna hit up a cup of Verdi and Passion Fruit Juice and tweet until I fall asleep. Until the next blog...#Dueces

Chasing pavements

Lately my days have been hell. I've been having the most annoying, hectic, mood swinging days for like a week now. I'm actually tired of chasing pavements with a person I'm not even dating. Idk if it's becuz I didn't start dating him immediately or what. I just know that I'm not Finna continue on with it. I mean, I'm tired of feeling like shit. Feeling as tho I'm not worth more than the dirt on the ground. I know I'm not suffering from depression becuz I just keep to myself too much for that. I smh for trying to get back out there. I sugarcoat everything with a smile, a joke, even a wise crack around my friends. I laughed my last laugh to keep from crying. I haven't shed my last tear tho. They won't drop but they are there somewhere. Classes, they are wearing me down to the point where I just wanna quit school. I'm tired of everything and everybody. I want the old me back...the carefree, always smiling, cracking jokes Morrow. I feel like a abandoned child left to fend for his own even tho I'm a young adult. The last tear, yelling, screaming isn't worth it no more. Is it wrong to just wanna go back. If so...give me 6 reasons why. Becuz as of now I'm just done

Yeah, you've change.

For my new years resolution, I said that I was going to change. True enough I change somewhat. I'm meanier, emotionionless, cold-hearted...all that. I have a nice side but it's not as transparent as it use to be. It use to show real clear but now, humph. You'd be lucky to get a hey from me. I've recently been talking to this guy I somewhat like. His name is Sean. Sean is...idk. It's like we have fun talking but he say mean shit. True enough I like a challenge but not when they just be like whatever. I mean when he asked me for my number he was nice and cool. Smooth I may add. Now, smh. It's like he making me draw back. I mean his smart, sarcastic comments use to be like that's cute. Now, it seems like he is just getting ridiculous with it. I told his ass specifically that I wanted to get to know him. I swear I'm getting aggravated as shit now. It's like he gets attitude with me for no reason. I'm tired. I just wanna be single. When I say SINGLE I mean I don't want no one talking to me unless it's as a friend. Becuz this dating shit isn't working for me. I think that's my best bet. To assure this, I'm focusing on me and getting this school together. I guess what I'm basically trying to say is that I'm putting everything in the hand of the man upstairs from now on. I started changing my image today. Got my hair cut different and I plan on letting it grow on out at the top. Time for a change.

Anticipation

I noticed that I been thinking and talking about HB alot. True enough I accept us being friends but it's like I'm afraid to face rejection. I talked to Mauri about it and she was like she understands me completely. I know I've moved on or at least think I have because I've been thinking about this other person all day. He's funny and makes me smile. Even tho he doesnt have the same characteristics as HB, I don't think no one will. I just wanna go back to June 22, 2010 when we first started talking and correct some things. Im also afraid that you might leave one day. Never told you but yeah. I think you only read my blog once. Back last year in December. All this month I been having flasbacks. That's when I was the only person you tweeted day and night. Now, I barely get a hi. I wonder if I ever sent you my blog website would you ever look? it's so much shit that would be uncovered about us. I think this is gonna be a rough end of the year becuz I'm gonna be constantly reminded of you thru the cold weather. Especially at the battle of the bands. O honestly think I'm gonnna miss out on that this year. I think I'm gonna miss out going to my cousin Kim house in philly becuz that's where you stay. I just anticipate the day when I get over my fears. Sincerely , Marco

Tears of Joy...FINALLY!!!

Hey ppl. So last night I was emptying out my Facebook messages when I came across a old message from HB. Weird right? I called my best friend Brian up and told him what I found. I was finna get ready to delete it but I kept it. So here I am, reading what me and him use to talk like. I was laughing so hard at the things I was saying. I thought back when I first start talking him...which according to Facebook was June 22, 2010 when I sent my first message to him. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was at work sitting at my desk in the media lab. I was doing what I normally did at work...tweet and facebook when I seen his status pop up saying "The Question Game. Hmu in my mail if you wanna play." so I hit him up. My first question was how old you really are? Idk where that question came from but I do remember me being nervous as shit man. Lol, cuttinup. I remember from that point on that we started talking I was nervous. I looked through the messages and read them out to Brian over the phone. I started tearing up when I was reading becuz shit that's alot of history I had. I remember when I told him that I was afraid to message him & he asked me why. I really didn't have a good reason so he told me that I had no reason to be afraid. That made me smile odee big. Tears of joy, none of sorrow flowed down my face. I thought about all I been thru this past year. I realized that even if he don't know it...that will always be my goon.:')

Starting Fresh...

Whassup ppl! Gotta start blogging more but I'm back. Ummm...idk where to start off man. Well, I have been doing odee well. I've been keep on my grind an focusing on my studies like I promised my mom. Can't afford to waste her money. I been doing good so far as the "moving on stage". Yesterday I seen HB on my sister Facebook page and took a stroll down memory lane. Now usually I would have broke out into tears but this time I smiled an laughed at all the good times I could remember. It really touched a warm spot in my heart. The only thing about it I still have a fear of texting him. Oh well. I gotta get over that and get to texting. One the other hand, Im starting to like someone new but I'm actually scared to tell them. How many fears do I have? Lol cuttinup ! That's my new phrase btw. ShoutOuts to my loves Tamisha and Simone Rigby. I finally got blogging buddies. . Man, but my life is really good now so I hope that it keeps being that way. Im gonna work on getting over these fears and become new.

Truth is...

I ain't been on here in a minute man. First off...Buenos Dias, good moaning, all that lol. Ummm...my life has been going fairly well. I been doing pretty good. Ever since my last post, I've been doing awesome until tonite. No, before y'all start concluding shit it's not even about HB. It's just in general. You ever had that person that swears they are like the realist thing on the whole damn planet & turns out to be faker than the hair sitting on Lil Kim head?! Yeah met one of them mofos like 2 weeks ago. You know, they claim that they the most honest thing on the whole damn planet but yet when it boils down to it they just honest in alling shit out that you do but not about they do. They use lines like "Keep it 100"  but with who tho? Alot Of ppl gone be pissed after this post but I can give a less fuck right about now. I myself, I'm not gonna lie I keep it 100 with myself but with others it's like 82. Some ish...change that...alot of shit I keep to myself for a reason. I met this person, true enough made me change my shit around but lied thru the whole process. That ain't no where near cool. It's alright tho cuz I'm gonna do like I been doing. Smiling thru it all...& put it in the hand of the man upstairs. Sincerely yours, 2crcuial. 

Pieces Of Me

Since last year, I always told you I loved you but yet I was in denial about one thing. I've be wrong on so many levels. I say, I would do anything to really make you happen when the whole time I lied. Ephinanies, humph I rarely have them, but when I do it's something major. Tonight I happened to have one when I woke up. Reality sat in that I've waited too long to notice shit that's really been sitting infront of my face. I finally noticed why the wishing, hoping, & praying didn't go no further than the roof of this apartment. I was wishing on something that I know now can't happen. So...#Confession1 you & TF make an awesome couple. I see you guys getting married & actually having a happy life together. ((That was hard to say)). Okay, #Confession2 I'm ready to stick in the friends zone. True enough I have learned to control my feelings...but I relaspe sometimes. #Confession3 I still don't know how to text you after all this time yo. Just don't know how to swallow my pride & be like "Hey" or whaassup. What if there is some animosity...hell it's already been lost unnecessary time that I wasted not texting you. Since April to be exact. So since I actually got my thoughts together...why can't I put them in action? #MarcoChilds OUT !!!

Pieces Of Me

Since last year, I always told you I loved you but yet I was in denial about one thing. I've be wrong on so many levels. I say, I would do anything to really make you happen when the whole time I lied. Ephinanies, humph I rarely have them, but when I do it's something major. Tonight I happened to have one when I woke up. Reality sat in that I've waited too long to notice shit that's really been sitting infront of my face. I finally noticed why the wishing, hoping, & praying didn't go no further than the roof of this apartment. I was wishing on something that I know now can't happen. So...#Confession1 you & TF make ab awesome couple. I see you guys getting married & actually having a happy life together. ((That was hard to say)). Okay, #Confession2 I'm ready to stick in the friends zone. True enough I have learned to control my feelings...but I relaspe sometimes. #Confession3 I still don't know how to text you after all this time yo. Just don't know how to swallow my pride & be like "Hey" or whaassup. What if there is some animosity...hell it's already been lost unnecessary time that I wasted not texting you. Since April to be exact. So since I actually got my thoughts together...why can't I put them in action? #MarcoChilds OUT !!!

Evolution

Lol. Damn I almost forgot to blog tonite. Anyways, I had an amazing day. I didn't get any sleep but I rode to Atlanta with my mom, grandma, & aunt. It was too wild. After all these years, my mom finally learned how to scratch off a ticket. It was too funny. Then they taught her how to play the lotto numbers. I was really shocked that she didn't know how to do none of that shit. Right now I'm in my bedroom in Georgia. I'm just chilling you know. Had a pretty long day. Soon ad we got here I went to SAMs to get the tires changed & my aunt caused a scene but it's whatever. I came back here & detailed the SUV. Cleaned the inside but imma clean the outside tomorrow before I leave. End up going to sleep in the inside of the SUV until my cousin Ann came. Went to her house & cleaned up just chilling. I haven't enjoyed myself like this in a long time. Well I guess this is #MarcoChilds OUT !!

My black is bold

My black is bold. It's what makes me who I am...& not what others expect from me. I challenge the world with my high level of intelligence & low level of tolerance towards ignorance. I flip thru life like I'm reading a book...chapter one : introduction to life. The only thing about writing this book is that it's stuck in permeant ink. No draw outs or white out allowed. Dammit gotta get it write. I push the level of boundary to make everybody confused about who or what I am? Living in the lab of luxury ain't always what it seems. More money cause more problem, meaning multiple things. Writing this was not my intentions tonite but shit I just my finger hit the keypad & flow. Weither or not you like it or bot really don't mean shit to me long as I spoke what I had to say then I'll be okay. My blog is my life, no bullshit intended. From this day forward I'm speaking my mind cuz I have kept silent too long. #MarcoChilds Out !!

Why?

Today was good. I was sleep most of the day. My home out Brian bought me an iTunes card (surprised the hell outta me!) I lounged around the house until my mom called me yelling about how I promised her I was gonna make her a cd but I never got around to it. So I went on to her house. My mom is truly a character. Anyways, after I left there I came back home & started ironing for Vegas. Come to find out I gotta go to Georgia Saturday. Really wasn't planning on going no damn where Saturday but my house. Guess that's a little out of the picture.  Anyways, I been in the me, myself, & I stage. I seen some that y'all know who tweeted on twitter. I felt a little remorse for them. Idk why...I feel somewhat guilty. Only if I could stop acting like a little bitch & text them. Hmmm...like that will ever happen. Maybe I should take Maurii advice & push myself like she said. Hmmm who knows. #MarcoChilds Out!!!

Work in Progress

Today was pretty far. I went over my sister Kala house with my sister Cheron. We mostly cracked on ppl that had Facebook pages. Well their pics lol...just hilarious. We took it back to them middle school days. Went to bebo.com & looked at our midr school profiles. Man we came a long ass way. I couldn't believe how much I had matured since then. Tonite wasn't really a night that I can say it's so damn awesome. It's just a night that I'm letting slowly slip thru my fingertips. I been playing some songs to make me think like "Notebook" by Chrisette Michele , "Work in Progress" by Mary J. Blige , "In The Morning" by Ledisi , & now "At Your best" by Aaliyah. I'm just in a bittersweet confused train of thought right now. It's hard to explain but only one person understands me & that's Mauresha Waller. She reads me like a book sometimes. On that note, #MarcoChilds out !!

Realizing

Pshhh...today was okay. I finally decided to give AT&T a call today & turn my phone back on. I texted alot of people today. I never knew that many people missed me while I was gone. It was just a month. Anyways, I learned today that someone I had a crush on is in a relationship. Go figure. I stay outta love. I'm grow tired of finding someone worthy enough to date me. Maybe I'm just not meant to date...or at least that's what I'm thinking. On from that, I been trying to move forward and think about my future. My homegirl Courteney & I were texting & talking about school. Us taking a giant leap from our kid days to becoming full young adults. It's time to leave childish acts behind...stop relying on moms & dads money & start making our own. Coming from wealthy homes, shit I'm tired of leaving under my family name. I want a name of my own. Preferably in the lights, on build-boards, or hell maybe on a sign. Marco Childs is what I wanna be known by. I still have my acting career that I always wanted. I have a plan b tho. Marketing, accounting, or advertisement. On from that, I really can't believe that I am actually sleepy this early. Hmmm...idk. It really has been a long day so I think I'm gonna call it a night. Until next blog #MarcoChilds Out !! 

Harder than I thought

I thought I was so far ahead. I thought that I was over the fact that even tho I put in so much hard work, so much time in that I would eventually get over it. For the longest I thought we would be together. I wished, hoped, dreamed, damn near prayed that we would. I tried to play a song that we first made conversation off of when we first started talking. Who's been loving you? Never did I think it would have such a toll impact on the way I actually feel about you. Shit, then I think that I'm no longer in the friends zone. Ughh, I regret the day that I told you I had feelings for you. Maybe we would have been tighter than before. Closer than we were before. Maybe I should have held down my station #FriendZone. Does it really have to hurt? Are these tears really necessary? I wish for that moment where we can be cool & actually meet. Smh, #MarcoAshton leaving. 

Forgiving

Hmmm...what's up people? Let's see...I went to church yesterday. Even tho I didn't actually get to go upstairs to hear the choir sing & the sermon by the pastor, I really learned something today. I learned that forgiveness is key to everything. I always been told that, just never paid it any attention. I'm gonna go back next Sunday if LaVee picks me up. Right now, I'm just sitting here at the table listening to Fantasia " I'm here". I'm getting back into the habit of blogging if you understand where I'm coming from. I just got thru watching Behind The Music 2 : Mary J. Blige. I never knew that she went thru many trials & tribulations in her life. That's probably why I can relate to most of her music. Looking at the show tonight almost really made me cry. I understood every single thing she mostly been thru. From the mistreat in the relationship with K-Ci...to searching for someone to love her & furthermore loving herself. I'm on the stage right now : Loving Myself. I hope I get it right this time. I love the phrase that Mary used tonight "I'm not perfect. I'm not an angel. I'm just a work in progress." I think that's gonna be the theme for my new pictures. In the words of Jennifer Hudson "Better believe I got this". On that note, until next blog #MarcoChilds Out !!  

Bracing for church

4 am...I'm barely getting any sleep. I had to been sleep at 1:20 or some like that. I feel alot is on my mind for some strange...awkward reason. Or maybe it's someone that's on my mind. Right now, typing this blog feels like a dream or a thinkman of my imagination. Maybe my late night stays has something to do with my mind. I think I just need to relax some. That's kinda hard. I wish right about now that I had some sorta type of sleeping pills. "California King Bed" by Rihanna just came on. I like that part when she says "I been California wishing on these stars." This song is really relaxing. My eyes are kinda getting heavy listening to it tho. Maybe I'm getting sleepy. Ooo I like this part "Maybe I been California Dreaming." I'm really feeling her on this song. Music is really my life I could say. Probably why I watch less tv anyways. I guess you could say it's the pieces of me. Hmmmm, night loves. #MarcoChilds Out !!

Ephiany

Today was good. Ummm...woke up this evening real late say about 5 some. Went to sleep at 7 this morning. Me & my friends started talking about making a new book. We gonna call it "Gay Girls Lullaby". My sister LaVee says that with a title like that it should be real deep. The story is starting off good. We just gotta keep making progress everyday. Im really liking the whole idea. On the other hand, I found out that one of my favorite singers Amy Winehouse died today in her home. That really did bring tears to my eyes. I listen & breathe her music everyday. I was really hoping that she was gonna come out with a new cd but I guess not. Everything happens for a reason I guess. On from that, I think tomorrow I'm gonna go to church. It's been a while since I been. Hopefully it goes good...hopefully. I don't think I'm gonna stay up late tonight tho. Smh, can't be sleeping in church now can I? #NewsFlash man that song "I'm A Star" by Chrisette Michele just came on. Hmph, that was the song playing the whole night me & HB first talked on the phone. Sigghh...I guess. Coming from a new point of view...until next blog #MarcoChilds Out !!!

For Colored Girls

Tonight is just a laid back night. Been watching movies...enjoying my company you could say. I watched For Colored Girls for the first time. It was really good. I know the movie is dedicated to black women, but I can somewhat relate to like three of the women. Janet (Joanna) her character is somewhat my entire life. I mean always being told "I'm sorry" by the person you love most of the time really does get tired...aggravating I might add. Hmmm...what would we do for the person we love? Another soul I can relate too I would say Loretta Devine (Wanetta Sims). We have the same problem. Fall in love with that one person & when they are gone...we try to leave them alone but when they come back...we accept anything. It's more to that story but you guys should already know. I would say my third person would be ol girl who was sleeping with all them dudes (Tangie). Even tho I'm a virgin, I still talk to alot of people. Maybe because we been hurt by that one person that we feel the need not to trust anyone. I still feel that way...therefore I still do what I do. Maybe one day I'll stop & think about it. Thats another story tho. I really thank Tyler Perry for making this movie tho. It's very, very good. So I'm still learning, still growing & one day I'm gonna get it all right. These late night stays, these epiphanies I keep having is really easing my mind. One thing I learned tonight from watching this movie is this...My love is too pure to be thrown back in my face & my love is too complicated to be thrown back in my face. Until next blog...#MarcoChilds out !!   

A better me

I have high hopes...big dreams for myself. Never have I actually took the time to sit down & actually think about what foot is next for my life. So while watching Necessary Roughness on demand, I grabbed the little black book. I know what your probably thinking. No it's not the black book where you keep your loves numbers in. It's a little black book that Tina (my summer college course teacher) gave us. She told us if we ever had a thought or wanted to write, grab that book & let the pen flow. When she actually gave us the book the thought that came to my mind was "She must be crazy...I ain't finna use this shit." Truth be told, I'm using the hell outta it. I wrote down places I wanted to visit before I turn 45. I wrote down professions I actually might wanna pursue in my life. I always add a new one to that category because I can't seem to make up my mind on what to choose. I still can't make up my mind on what college to go to tho...or which degree to get first. I think I want five degrees....all masters. The time for games is really over. Time for me to grow up & take responsibility of the man I'm becoming. Independent...is what I'm trynna become. Today a put my first bill in my name. I felt so happy. I'm gonna start working on a bank account tho. I should have one by now instead of sharing one with my grams. Truth be told, the break is really benefitting me alot. I love the fact that I'm doing something right. This years focus is to make myself known. We'll see how that goes. Getting much wiser & learning more. Hopefully, Marco Childs name will be in them big beautiful lights somewhere for something great. Haha, #Hopefully. Anyways, I think I'm done for tonite. Until next blog, #MarcoChilds Out !!

Growing

This one is named Growing. You know, we always wonder why we never get the one we want...or maybe its just me. Anyways, I wondered that for the longest. You guys already know the story from the rest of the old blogs. My struggle to get that one person that I like so much to get to like me back. Some things you have to grow from. I think I am tho. Who would ever guess that it would be a long break from social sites, texting, & talking on the phone? I did something for me...for a change. Went to Philly for a week. Just me to relax & enjoy myself. Now, I'm back at home. Phone still off but I'm actually enjoying it.  Went on twitter last week to tell one of my brothers happy birthday. Did that for Facebook as well. The break, hmmmm never thought it would be so damn easy I guess. On a real tip, I have no problem talking to or as you may say "typing" my lifestory out to blogger. The reason why is because maybe there is someone out there. Someone just like me, who's been going thru what I am or is going thru what I'm going thru & sees my point of view. I gotta say tho...I wonder what life has in store for me. I'm just hoping & praying that it maybe something great. Each tear & downfall...there's a lesson. Let it flow...#MarcoChilds out!!

Soo...I'm not gonna lie. I'm feeling a whole lot better now. Umm...I been praying since Sunday night. I asked god to help me discover who I am & what he wants me to do. I also asked him to keep me & HB friendship strong. So yesterday, god surprised me. He had Joe to actually talk to me! I was blushing odee hard man. Couldn't help it. I was just too happy. Anyways, today he surprised me again. He had Joe add me on Facebook. Thanks God. I've really been feeling good. So those ppl who says prayer doesn't work can kiss my ass cuz it actually does. You just have to be consent with it. I, myself, wasn't at first. But I realized that god works miracles. I went from feeling like my world was ending to just feeling good about myself. My final remarks are this...my next blog, hopefully...i'll be very satisfied & happy. Until then, y'all know the drill #deuces !!!

Blogging alot tonite...bittersweet moments tend to circle my mind. Constanly, reminising over the times...maybe what could have been sets in. But I'm really not looking forward to anything right now. Just being alone is really what I'm working on...shit happens. Can I ever look back...idk maybe one day. I'm just focused on school now. I'm ready to go off to school. Maybe it will distract my mind from the hurt & pain that I actually suffer. Yeah, I use to sugarcoat alot...I'm not gonna lie. Its kinda hard for me to be honest with anyone now a days. Too much bullshit from everyone while they live freely as I daydream about one day actually getting to that point. Shit happens, when your life spirals outta control after everything was going well. Shit happens...constanly. Shit happens, continuesly. Shit happens, it never ends.

My fears:
1) I'm afraid to be alone.
2) I'm afraid of myself sometimes.
3) To express myself to unknown ppl.
4) Afraid to be hurt.
5) Afraid to text certain ppl.
6) Afraid of my anger.
7) Afraid to shed tears around others.
8) Afraid to face my fears.
9) Afraid to get close to anyone, so I run away.
10) Afraid of being in a relationship with anyone.
11) Afraid of commitment.
12) Afraid to show the real me.
13) Afraid to be vunerable.

Since life doesn't have a restart button, I'm making my own. Its like learning to swim all over again. #Heartache , what I felt last night. #Pain , is what caused it. #Tears were my reaction as I felt the world slowly escape my hands. #Disappointment is what hit me the most. I never felt so much come at me at once. #Friends , hmph, no where to be found. #Hurt , once again & always promises that it wont happen anymore. #Trust , I no longer have for anyone. #Past , not looking back but bring back the old me. The one who speaks his mind, don't think 2x, shows his emotions, & moves on with his life. #2crucial , is his name. #Rules , there aren't any anymore except one...#TrustNoOne.

I'm just tired of crying...

So after waiting 1 month, I texted H.B. today. No reply...It disappointed me but i'll survive. I cried for a minute but eventually the tears stop falling. I really wasn't intend for us to fall out. Maybe becuz I'm busy, or I dont text him often, or maybe its just the leave of absences that was eventually meant to be. Maybe the trip to Philly should be cancelled since I circled around seeing him. Im tired of being hurt tho. Shielding back up...

Shaking free the gravity of simplicity & riding the wings of forgiveness. Forgive is so hard but I'm gonna do it. They say give & forget...some have the tendency to forgive but never forget. The pain still lurks in your soul causing you to have bitterness, hatefulness, resentment, & most of all pain in your heart towards the guilty party. You doing this is no longer proving your sense of anger; but that your hurt & hide the pain by the following above. I'm no longer waiting on the 2nd party to forgive me. Imma be a man about mines, take a chance with it & see how this goes. Maybe you'll read & understand, maybe you'll read & say bullshit, hell, you may read & delete. The fact of it is that you read...in the end I did my part to lighten burdons. Until next blog, #MarcoAshtonChilds out

Took a break but I'm back. Umm...lets see where do I start. Okay, me & D.C. no longer talk since the arguement...#ohwell. I mean true enough I like him but he is just being a bitch...dont have time. Lets see...oh yeah *puts hands together* I lost a dear friend that I known since 7th grade. Not to death or anything, but becuz she was also being bitchy so I had to cut that ass off. On the good side, I been more outgoing. I start talking to this dude named Allen & this other dude name LacQues. LacQues, Im not sure if he's gay but I still like him. He's funny, crazy, smart, atheltic, a thug, & cute. #MyType...I like Allen too. He's funny, smart, outspoken, & crazy. Anyways...I like exploring but I love being single. Ohh yeah, I haven't texted H.B. in almost a month. I'm just taking a break in our friendship since he's dating Tariq. I don't believe he has time for me anymore so...i'll deal with that. Overall...I'm still here. So until next blog, #MarcoAshtonChilds out...

Its nothing like me just breathing. How can I actually step forward when I have no purpose with you? Moving on is hard, i'll manage. I've actually been doing pretty well but I have doubts. Low tolerance for ppl is so I stay my distance. Ppl say that I'm acting funny but Im really not. Just can't deal with everything. My emotions lately have actually been flying everywhere. So am I hurt? Im exactly not sure. I'm still growing tho, learning while Im young & promising myself that I won't make the same mistakes again.

Trying my best to forgive you but its really hard. I'm not suppose to be the one sitting here about to cry. I was betrayed. I put my trust into the hands of ppl I thought I could trust....guess I was wrong. I really liked him, but I guess Im not what you was after huh? You seen how I felt about him, but yet you couldnt put your flirtatious hoeish ways to the side. Am I hurt, extremely. Am I ever gonna talk to you two again, never. Why not, you killed the little friendship I had worked so hard to maintain. Guess I was the fool in this...guess the card was on me...guess I was Shit Outta Luck again. Never again will I open my heart. Sorry...

Each person has no need to be trusted. I keep trying to believe that everyone has or deserves a chance. Guess i'll be wrong. I was wrong for trusting the both of you. It hurts like hell. True I lost trust in both of you & in the end Im the one with the tears, Im the one with a new fear, I layed it out on the line, & Im the one who's gonna be struggling on my grind. True enough you made me cry, shit that hard surprise. But Im gonna be fine, when that one day that angel inside of me is gonna learn to fly.

LOVE...I use to. Now, I prefer to be alone. I feel as though if I can't have who I want then there is no need to settle & regretting it later. I enjoy my company too much for me to "settle" for anyone. I have plenty of ppl who wanna date me. The fact of the matter is, Im not going to do. Falling in love takes time, its just not handed to you. That means alot of hard work, alot of effort, alot of tears, alot pain. I dont wanna do it no more. So I figure I will stay on the #TeamOfMe. Who knows me better than myself?

It seems as though my happiest moments are when Im alone (single). I just try to make the best out of things, breathe I believe. I can't help but to just think what it would be like if we dated...but Im dealing with it. Can't find anyone to measure up to you so I'd rather be alone. Fear is what stopped from telling you how I feel, what could have been, what actually should have been. But, Im working on me...#WorkInProgress

I feel good today. You know, after everything I put myself thru, each tear, each heartache, I still manage to be myself. In the mist of it all, I smile. Sitting up here listening to Kirk Franklin made me realize that I have been missing something in my life. No its not a person, not a material item, but God. Yeah, I believe in him but I haven't prayed in a while. Thats why it seemed like my life was catching hell. When in reality, it was a thinkman of my imagination. Im not gonna give up, cuz I look so much better when I smile. Im finally crying, not becuz Im sad, but becuz I learned a lesson & it was worth it. Also becuz Im finally happy with myself & hopefully I can keep this going for myself.

Someone asked me today "Are you in love?" ...my answer, I was...once. Even tho the person I loved never felt the same for me, it didn't stop me from feeling for them. They made my eyes open up to things that I knew couldn't be true. They helped my grow, taught me how to not be afraid to show who I am...or how I feel. It made me a stronger, better, wiser person & taught me its okay to let down your guard to certain people. Even tho we aren't dating, even if we 100 miles apart, I can never forget what you taught me. Even tho we are close friends, even tho your name was heartbreak, you will always & forever be here....in my heart.

Today was good. Laughed at them ppl at school today. Just came outta my element today. Started back socializing like I use to. I didn't let my emotions from last night interfere with my day. Guess I had accepted. I think Im making the right decision by you, intrusting you with my friendship. Can't afford to get hurt again. Im growing, & like most things that grow, Im maturing. Learning that everything that glitters, isnt gold. Everybody isn't what they say they are. & your friends, in this lifetime are a limited few. Hopefully you dont let me down, #Heartbreak.

I've had the best day today. Signed some papers, talked to my best friend...but where am I at the end of the night? Sitting on the couch, listening to "Where you at?" feeling sad; trying my best not to cry. Haven't cried in a while. Idk why I cry when I have your friendship. Its just one of them nights of regrets I guess. It wasn't meant for us to be together, I'll have to accept that. Then the point it, you'd never know how I feel becuz I never told you how I felt. & maybe if I did, that would have ruined the friendship of which Im trying to build with you. I mean its strong, & I want it to stay that way. So once again, suck it up Marco, everything is not meant to be. Live, learn, patience, grow.

I'm just trying to grow. Tears, escape from my face as I try to understand what is missing from my life. I thought that I wanted friendship from you but I guess I still wanna be more. I'm not just gonna barge in your life tho. Keep my feelings hidden & settle with what I got. My feelings mean something but you in my life means more. Mixing how I feel with friendship is just a fail I guess. Last time we talked, I felt tension. You say nothing was wrong, but hell...I feel your lying. Just wished we could talk about it; guess not. One day, i'll have the courage to say "Chris, i've liked you from day one. Etc etc etc". Then I woke up...becuz I know that Im just dreaming becuz for one I will never tell you how I feel & two your happy...thats all that matters. I stand in my friendzone to the side

Hmph. Not gonna lie, it cross my mind what could have been. My life, I have every material thing that is avaliable. Spoiled rotten, but yet it dont mean shit cuz I dont have you. I guess Imma have to settle for someone else. They said patience is what gets you what you want. Im so use to shit being handed over to me that I really cant deal with anything different. This is one thing that can't be handed to me. This is one vertue that I have to learn from. I can take us being friends, its the part of being more that gets me. I'll always have a place for you...but I have to let you be happy with him while I, well I just live on & see what happens.

I sit here...thinking. I kinda miss him but hey, Im trying to be in the friend zone. I thought that if I would have start talking to other people that it would help me cover the fact that I like him, alot. I mean, there are some dudes, some sexy ones at that, that really just make me wanna be with them. Truth of the matter is, everytime I think i've moved on...I really didn't. We all play that role, the "friend role". Thats when you say "We can be friends" but you know deep down that you have feelings for them but your willing to do anything to keep them in your life. I like that your boyfriend makes you happy, he's a really cool dude & earns much respect from me. Guess its just one of them days that I learn a lesson, take a breather, & try to move foward.

I wanna title this one Self Portrait. Its a reflection on me. I'm doing well...no stress just breathing for a change. I talked to my friend Letty last night. She always down for me...even if I think deep. I learned to live my life freely. Think outside the world & not inside like everyone else. I learned that its okay to love...& maybe not so hard to trust someone. Well, it is kinda hard to trust someone but i'll build on it. Im just feeling neutral. I have to admit that I do have my days where I feel a little down, but dont we all. I just try to maintain myself but one day, just one...Im gonna learn to grow. I love who I am, Marco Ashton Morrow

Ha, we been through alot thru this friendship. #Acceptance, I finally accepted that you & I will always be friends & that your in love, long as your happy...I am. These conversations we been having lately have been amazing. Learning so much about a good friend. Then, you texted me first this morning. Haha, that really made my day. This book of Heartbreak has so many chapters to be told. It may have its twist & turns, its downfall & demise, but in the end, what friendship is perfect? Exactly, none. So yeah, Marco is happy for the time being. Hopefully, maybe one day. :)

Sometimes I really dont have to speak my mind & I really don't wanna tell you how I am digging you so, I can't let go, & it hurts me to my soul. I tell you every little thing that is on my mind, I cant let you know so I hide it inside. All my feelings for you, dont want you to let it go to your head. Im mean to you sometimes but I cant get you off my mind, so I hit you with the game always trynna act like yo loving doesn't phase me when the truth is that it amaze me...

Today...was exceptionally a good day. Been focused on me just a little. Still single, by choice this time tho. I'm not really looking for a relationship anymore, just wanna explore who I am. I been going strong thus far & I don't plan on letting anyone get in the way. Sometimes HB cross my mind, even tho we have never dated...just talked. He's a really great guy & like most great guys, he's dating someone. But the friendship zone is worth more than that to both of us...or at least I think. I texted him this morning, trying this new "check in system". Lol, its kinda sad that I can go on & on about him. I wonder if he can do the same? Anyways, I enjoy my own company, but sometimes I get a little lonely. I'll get over it, its just a phase until I feel Im stably ready for a relationship....

So last night...last night. It went pretty well. I didn't go with my original plan with just hanging out with my friends. Spent some quality time with my family. Even though sometimes they can aggervate the hell outta me, I love them all becuz thats family. After everybody left, I decided to text you. To my surprise, you texted back. Ha, really caught me off guard. The deep conversation made me realize that I have been overreacting alot. I'm glad we close as friends. Your still the same person I talked to for 9 months. Keep it up, I like who you are. You never stop to surprise, even with the good morning text this morning caught me a lil off. Guess I don't know much about you, but Im determined to learn. Im gonna keep in touch more & talk more, but voice my opinion less. Anyways, I enjoyed your company...you know who you are. Haha

Acceptance

Today is my birthday. Excited? I am very...lol. I never knew how much people cared about me. I waited for you to text me, hell maybe a tweet. Imma go head & conclude that you forgot about me. So, instead of me being straight up & telling you whassup, Imma just let that ish ride. I'm another year older man, another year wiser. If you follow your heart, hell who knows, it might just give you what you need. I'm just on my steady grind. Focused on me, & dealing with the fact that we not as close but your still here so that means something right? It feels good to just move on by my way, not looking back but not leaving no one important behind. I'm thinking I wanna close this blog, but I have the alot to say. You know, there isn't even tears forming in my eyes while Im typing this time; just a smile on my face. #Love , is what Im doing. #Hope , is what I have in everything. #Acceptance , is whats making this so easy to be friends with you even tho we don't talk as much. #Marco is the me that no one knows about...but Imma go back to me

Ha, things have a way of working out. I stay over reacting but I guess we still friends. Maybe this just a break in our friendship. I should really communicate with you more tho. I don't wanna really lose you, but at the same time...I'm willing to make a friendship work if your down for it. Just gotta k.i.t. Hopefully this friendship last a while & one day maybe I will be able to show you all the blogs & you will eventually get to know the real me...the other side of Marco Ashton Morrow. So...until next blog...Im out :)

Acceptance is a bitch. Imma keep it moving thoo. Harm was done...kinda. Feelings was seperated. Just enjoy who you are, love hard, & live life.

Well, today was the day. I sent the message. Who knows whats gonna happen now? After I got thru bathing, I just sat in the shower & let the water run on me, & closed my eyes. Calmed myself down & took me to my place of freedom where I was by myself. No problems, no nothing. I sat there about an hour. It made me less nervous but at the same time it made me somewhat brace myself you could say for the hurt. Just in case things didnt go my way, I wouldn't be as disappointed becuz I prepared myself mentally & emotionally. Maybe he'll reply back...who knows? Maybe he'll see where Im coming from...who knows? Maybe he'll close this chapter & move on with his life without me...who knows?

Woke up this morning, thinking my phrase "what if?" What if tomorrow be the last time I talk to you becuz of the text Im gonna send? I think you being there & me coming to talk to you is why I stay so attached. But you not being there is kinda...idk awkward for me. Even though we don't talk as much, I still don't forget about you. I mean, your always there somewhere in my mind. Guess i'll have to get over that huh? The feeling between me & you probably isn't even neutral. I have a feeling that your just being nice & not telling me what's on your mind. I really do respect that. Maybe I was wrong for keeping it too real to you. Maybe I should have hid the way I felt from the beginning...

I should have known better. The signs were really there, I just ignored the hell out of them. Well I didnt ignore them, it was more like I didnt accept them. I didn't accept them becuz I thought you would never do anything like that, but I believe you said it right when you said I didn't know you huh? It kills me inside to know that I couldn't maintain a good friendship with you, & that you just didnt really say anything. I some of my time thinking about you, when at the end of the day, idk if you ever really cared. Maybe, maybe I was just there you know. Maybe I was wrong for opening up to you...to anyone. I always end up getting hurt, but this hurts the most becuz I actually tried to work on this. But I was alone...

Up this late sitting here thinking. Listening to Jamie Foxx, "Heaven Will Never Be The Same". All I can actually do is smile at this song. It brings back good times with my great grandmother...& some of you. I'm a heavy thinker, as always I have no choice but to think "what if?" What if Monday I send you the link to this website & it becomes the last time I talk to you? I believe that, that ish will hurt me the most. Hit home...its kinda hard to let go. Damn Im so attached but hell I can't help it. Its hard for me to share my emotions so when I finally do I guess I expect you to be here for a while. I always dreamed that it would happen...but thats why they call it a dream right? A thinkman of your imagination. They say dreams come true, but I doubt this one will. I haven't put forth an effort lately to make anything work between us. I just been in the background...checking in every now & then...

I finally woke up this morning with a smile. Started my day with some music, & just had a comfort day. Thats when I don't answer any text, calls, or tweets. I just focus on me. I just sat in my room, & start dewelling. I realized I miss you slightly. I mean, sometimes I feel like you may have forgetten about me. Its been since Feb. 28 when I talked to you. Its been 9 months & 2 day since I met you. Hmph, Im still trynna figure out what makes me willing to wait for you. Sometimes I doubt it, that you care. Its just something I have to figure out while on my journey. What if this is a mistake, what if everything ends up like it did in December. This is my book of Heartbreak...

Since you been gone I learned how to move on, how to be myself I don't need nobody help. Im doing so good I forgot that I could live like this. #Fantasia taught me how to be myself again. She taught me how to love again & how to care again. I never smiled so much in my life. With "Even Angels", "Im Here", & "Thrill Is Gone"....I've learned alot. Its said that i've need to brighten my life & I am starting to now. Im thankful for each day that Im given, both the easy & hard ones. Haha, I hav someone that finally understand me as always lol. Fantasia I owe it to you. Im gonna be myself, Im gonna strive to do me, Im gonna smile #WhenIseeYou, #TruthIs, Im still looking for the one to #MoveOnMe, & if I #Believe hard enough, it wont be any #Bittersweet moments, but shit I learned that #IaintGoneBegYou lol! Thanx Tasia!

I finally got myself back. I just had to find out who I was for a minute. In order for me to do that, I had to stop communicating with everyone for as long as it took. Luckly, it only took some weeks. Now, it feels like I get the cold shoulder from everyone now. I thank everyone that stood by my side until I got it all together. Im trying to be more open to ppl now, its not an easy task. I catch the vibe that as usual they will turn away. Im still growing, still maturing actually. My birthday is next Friday, & Im really not excited about it. Not becuz Im aging, but becuz Im probably not gonna be able to bring it in with a close friend. The last time we talked was Feb. 28. If you read between the lines, then you'll see it. Im not gonna keep on the discussion becuz it always gets me teary eyed. Anyways, sometimes I feel like Im lost in time. The new me has really changed my outlook. Im more careful with my emotions, I rarely express myself, I love & trust no one...just who I am now. Everytime I show my heart, it gets smashed. I prefer being single for a while. Don't ask why...just know I have a logical explaination for all of it.

#Confession1 I miss you sorta.
#Confession2 I wish we talked more.
#Confession3 your a good friend.
#Confession4 I still have the first text message you ever sent to my phone lol.
#Confession5 You never stop to cross my mind, thats why you still get solo shoutouts on twitter.
#Confession6 I wish you the best, even if Im not included.
#Confession7 Sometimes I think you forget about me.
#Confession8 When "Who's been loving you" comes on I start smiling.
#Confession9 I always wondered what you thought about me.
#Confession10 you will always be a cool jerk.
#Confession11 I feel like when I express myself to you, we drift apart.
#Confession12 Dec. 28 was the worst day of my 2010 life.
#Confession13 Im glad you trust me somewhat.
#Confession14 I told you that you would always be heartbreak
#Confession15 when I get ready to text you, I flip my phone over to send it. I still get nervous to talk to you.
#Confession16 I get the idea when I text you Im not gonna get a text back.
#Confession17 your personality is a turn on
#Confession18 Im probably the last thing on your mind.
#Confession19 Everything I tell you I mean.
#Confession20 Enjoy your b'day

Sometimes I wonder if I ever cross your mind? I wonder, do you care about me sometimes? I wonder, if you know Im still here? I wonder, did you see my tears? I wonder, do you miss my tweets? I wonder, do you miss when we talk deep? I wonder, do you know that I care? I wonder, if you knew I was always gonna be there? I wonder, if you ever wished? I wonder, do you ever miss me? I wonder, did you forget about me? I wonder, do you know just like you, I get lonely too? I wonder, am I still special to you? I wonder, if we still friends? I wonder, will you be there to the end? Im glad that your still here, so this is my appreciation for you on your b'day.

I keep having this dream & day dreaming. & no its not different ones, its the same one. Kinda like mini episodes or some. It starts off after I sent the text, you replied & we end up talking the whole time. It wasn't on no type of level of bullshit tho. It was on some deep level. We talked about us, everything I was feeling & everything you was feeling. I was like odee surprised from what you said. Never thought you cared that much, but ayee I woke up & it was just a dream. I felt as though it was real at first becuz of how it kept occuring & what was said thru the conversation. I can't believe its not true tho. I mean most likely its probably gonna never happen tho. You telling me how you feel towards me is like me jumping off a skyscraper #nevergonnahappen. My emotions are scattered on the floor about you. One minute I wanna call you up & be like I miss you, next minute I wanna be like Im through. In the end, I always maintain to stay tho. Smh, I try not to get attached to anyone becuz its gonna happen. Some gonna push us away & bam we're done. & where will I be? Slowly picking the pieces of a broken heart up off the ground & locking it away from the next...

Im doing good. Feeling better. Loving myself more, ain't nothing better. Missing the moments where we use to be closer than close. Tighter than the other side of the pillow lmao! Im getting use to this state of mind, just thinking about what could have been isn't gonna do any good when I can actually make it happen. As of now though, I just don't know anything to do. I typed this long ass text for your birthday, the question is how do I send it?!? I mean, can you actually feel my pain thru a text? Feeling the strong emotions put into the text? Most of the time, you probably can't. Most ppl say that Im a easy person to spot out my moods in a text becuz usually Im upbeat, happy, always laughing & smiling, but sometimes I have my serious moments. When I eventually do have them, I be so serious. My life is becoming more serious the older I get. So will I be the same? Always. Will I mature? Already did. Will I be able to love? One day. Am I making the right decision? Unanswered.

Here I am, here I been. I been here waiting but yet nothing has happened. Still standing, waiting paitently for "the one". The one is someone who takes my breathe away on a regular bases, never stop amazing me, loves me unconditionally & for who I am. I mean, I love being single & all but it has its moments where you wish you could text "the one" & be like "Babe, I just texted you to say I love you". Hmph...when will this happen? Only the man upstairs knows. I mending my heart, maybe I got it chained up to tight. When you open up to someone & they leave, that happens. I need to let someone into my world. Someone that can show me the same love I try to actually dish out. Its hard to let go of feelings I had but Imma keep it friendly. I don't leaving nothing in a negative outcome. All I can say is, Im ready to take on the world & let em in. So lets get it.

Venting pt. 2

I read signs well. Its not the fact that we are actually "drifting apart" is that you just don't wanna be bothered. You just won't actually tell me that. Its okay tho, I got caught up & now its time for me to let go. I cared to much & actually put myself out on the line. Smh, I made a mistake. It hurts becuz I actually gave a damn. I tried to be understanding, make excuses, but in the end I was sugarcoating. I can't believe I am actually sitting here, crying. Its not in my character. You played me well...even if I put 8 months into building a strong friendship with you. Im gonna stop crying tho, becuz its not gonna make me feel any better. You live to your name, so continue doing you Heartbreak. Im out

Im living day by day. I become more aware of my surroundings. Im maturing more, learning to grow. Crying less, skipping the stress

I think they call this venting. This is me, Marco Ashton Morrow. I sugarcoat alot becuz Im afraid of taking risk. I have a fear of getting close to anyone because they might end up leaving. I don't express my feelings much cuz thats all a nigga knows. I smile to keep from crying, I laugh to hide my fear. I'm currently single, but I have my flirty ways. My heart wants to be with someone but they currently in a relationship. I can be dramatic. I have a handful of friends, many associates tho. I bury myself in work to keep myself distracted. I hide my emotions, my feelings, my heart to keep it all protected. One day I will learn to be caring, fall in love, but as of now...Im worried about me. Everyday I make 2 wishes, 1 for me to find my way back & 2 for me & HB to be as close as we once were. Im gonna work on me spiritually then physically. Im trying to become more outgoing, & who knows...maybe my move to Florida, Cali, Michigan, Georgia, or Philly might be what I need...a fresh start. So I will make a new blog when everything is fresh :)

I think they call this venting. Well here I go. This is me, Marco Ashton Morrow. I sugarcoat alot becuz Im afraid of taking risk. I have a fear of getting close to anyone because they might end up leaving. I don't express my feelings much cuz thats all a nigga knows. I smile to keep from crying, I laugh to hide my fear. I'm currently single, but I have my flirty ways. My heart wants to be with someone but they currently in a relationship. Sometimes I can be dramatic. I have a handful of friends, many acciquantances tho. I bury myself in work to keep myself distracted. I hide my emotions, my feelings, my heart...gotta keep it all protected. One day I will learn to be caring, fall in love, but as of now...Im worried about me. Everyday I make 2 wishes, 1 for me to find my way back & 2 for me & HB to be as close as we once were. Im gonna work on me spiritually then physically. Im trying to become more outgoing, & who knows...maybe my move to Florida, California, Michigan, Georgia, or Philly might me what I need...a fresh start. So I will make a new blog when everything is fresh :)

Lmao! So my long time friend Eddie told me I was overeacting on the whole situation. That I should just put myself out on the line. He's actually right but I'm still gonna give you space. I can only maintain my friend zone forever and a day...its better than not talking to you at all. I mean damn your worth chasing but shid i'll have them moments where I wanna be more. I'm just gonna learn how to control them tho...your happy & thats all that matters. I finally accept things the way they are & grateful that you are still talking to me through everything...it shows how much you care. I'm entrusting my friendship & trust in you...hope I dont make a mistake with HB. Anyways, Im not gonna make this long for you to read so I'm just gonna say #deuces :)

I'm not gonna lie, taking a break from you is actually hard. I keep telling myself I can do it, but deep down I had my feeling wrapped up. Thinking I could try to make something work was an epic fail on my part. I see us drifting apart but I have yet to do anything about it tho. I mean, I can't do it alone. I just miss them days where we would tweet morning to night, text most of the day away, & tell each other somewhat everything. I know you have a boyfriend, & I wish you nothing but happiness. Ha, tears coming down my face while I type this blog but whatever. I never knew I cared so much about you & quite frankly I always will. But even as I wait, Imma say you will always be a good dude HB. #2crucial

You know, hmm, I am maturing alot. On Valentines day I told HB how I been feeling lately. We had a somewhat deep conversation, but I honestly think it didn't do any good. I mean I will always have a plave for him in my heart, but I see it as there is no hope for us. We don't talk as much & when we finally do, our convos be short. I really wouldn't mind working it out, but yeah I can't do it alone. A wish person once told me if you love something you got to let it go, & if it comes back then it means so much more. So I'm going to stand in the background...yeah I will always be here, but I wont come out until he's ready start going back to what use to be...

Im doing pretty good today. Surrounded by the love & support of my family helps me recover fast. Last night was actually hectic. When I woke up, my phone rung HB ringtone. Im like wow, things happen for a reason huh? I didn't go to sleep until 3 just listening to music & thinking. I got to come home today so Im happy about that. I shouldn't push myself to that point anymore. I was thinking about texting him tonite, but ayee, who says he's to answer. I feel us kinda drifting apart but he says that Im special so Im taking his word. If its meant to work then ayee, thats what I gotta go by even tho I would like it to. I don't like adressing my feeling much. I feel there isn't a reason to. I should really start tho.

Hey ppl. Haven't blogged in a while...but I never forgot about it. So time to let y'all know the scoop. Im guessing HB isn't talking to me, god I miss him. I wanted to text him tonite but you know how I am. I still make my wish at 11:11 every night about us. Alot of things been happening this week, so I haven't had much of a social life. With my aunt funeral, school, & this crazy schedule...I don't have time to keep in touch as much. I wonder if he thinks that it is someone else becuz if so never...its always gonna be him. On from that note before I get depressed, Im trynna start my life back over, just doing me. Im trynna leave my past behind & move on with the future. Sure its gonna be hard, but ayee Im going in hard. I started new goals & hopefully they come true. I just really need a break, from like everything. Well into next time, #2crucial out

Only If You Knew...

Im lost in this whatever you wanna refer to it as. I hide the way I feel about you for a reason, but yet the more I hold on to it, it seems like the further I push you away. Its some shit that just bother me. I want you to be happy by no means necessary...even if its not with me. Seeing you talk to other people really does bother me, even tho I shouldnt really take it seriously because it is on twitter. Its just hard trying to stick in the game when you dont even know how I feel & I dont know how you feel. I mean I wish this would just hurry along because I have really developed emotions for you & hopefully you have done the same for me. No matter what I will always be your friend & I wont leave your side, but it gets kind of hard when your mind is like "Damn what if we together..." or if the topic " What if..." comes to my mind dealing with you. I usually would have moved on by now, but we have something thats kinda worth saving. Smh, Im concluding that Imma still stick in the game because I am actually drawn to you, your opinion, & your judgement. Hopefully I will eventually tell you how I actually feel...one day. Until next blog, IM OUT! #2crucial

They say that good things come to those that are patient...but what if that's not entirely correct? The friend zone is a good place, but its hard when you wanna be something more. Dating someone that you plan on being with for a while (in my opinion) requires a great friendship established. It just comes a time where it might become difficult to stay in the friend zone. I keep my head up tho, becuz I wanna see what comes out of this from me being patient. Hopefully all this wishing & hoping will come in handy...lol! Well, I think Im gonna end this blog. Until the next one, this is #2crucial & #deuces !!!!

My blog people! Whats hanning? Lol! Well, today has been a great day. Hung out with the family & did a little shopping. I haven't talked to HB since like yesterday at 1 some in the morning. I kinda miss him. You know that one person that is always on your mind that you can't get rid of...yeah thats him. I usually just wait til Friday & tweet him about the follow thing. I been keeping my head up & making my wish at 11:11 everynite. Im the type of person where I want him to be happy, even if its not with me. Well, I should really just start telling him this stuff. Until next blog, #deuces !

Hola my fellow blogger readers. Im in a good mood today! Last night with HB amazing. We talked about alot of things & learned alot about each other. Haha, so he made me tell him my wish that I make about him every nite at 11:11. I was so embarrassed but it actually had a good turn out. I tried to get him to tell me what he likes about me, but he said he has a set date. Im thinking it Valentines Day...that would be so cool lol. Its alot of things that I keep to myself about him becuz I don't want an awkward moment. I really don't express my feelings for him as much. Idk why, I just don't...but Im going to try. Hopefully tonite we will talk. He is the one that always make me smile & happy. Hopefully this friendship will go strong & maybe evolve into something more. Well, until next blog, #2crucial OUT! #deuces

Well...today was not such a good day. I woke up this morning to a call from my mom telling me my great aunt died. The news really killed my day & quite frankly I didn't even wanna go to school, but I did. I'm not gonna lie, I'm gonna miss her alot. Her personality was just down to earth. Her favorite line was "You so silly" & "Girl/Boy please". I never thought I would cry over her, but I did this morning & right now as Im writing this blog. I feel as tho this family is slowly falling apart. Her lessons, her love, & her physical well being will be dearly missed. I never had a chance to tell her how I felt...but I think she knew. So...Doris, this is dedicated to you. Im gonna miss you & I will inspire to do my best. R.I.P

On the phone with my sis. She told me how her & her babe got together. They seem to act like me & my friend. My sister told me she waited on her babe for the longest. She finally got them tho. So...Im still waiting. The other nite we were texting & he finally told me I was special. Imagine the look on my face & the thoughts ruining thru my mind. I am like excited, but Im not gonna show it. Dont want it to be like last time when I opened up & mite get crushed. So I think taking it slow is best, for now. So until next blog, #2crucialOut !

Hey my fellow bloggers! Haha, haven't been on in a min. Well, everything is going good. I recently start making this wish at 11:11 everynite! Haha, I know it sounds corny, but don't knock it until you try it. So, I finally got an answer with how he feels about me, well just a portion, he won't tell me the rest haha! He said that Im special. You don't know how happy I was to hear that. It made me smile & I felt like I was a star. Im concluding that he doesnt use that as a line to everybody tho. I just wish we could be together tho. Smh, maybe one day. I got a feeling that it would work out. But if it happens that I stay in the friend zone...so be it

Im growing tired...idk but I am. Tired of bullshit...tired of waiting but I feel Im drawn. My tendesy to get jealous is basically the problem. Like...I know how I feel...like I like you alot but shit I can never tell you that because there is always an awkward moment. Maybe I should just stop over reacting like this shit really urkes me that Im trying so hard...maybe too hard. I think I should fall back some...you know. Im trynna keep the friend lane oh so strong...but Im headstrong so it should be easy. Im try to mantain...#lehgoo

Okay...so tomorrow is the day. Friday I told them that I would tell them how I felt about them Sunday. Thoughts are filling my mind as Im wondering if this is the moment. I mean...I don't wanna drift apart like we did last time. I mean...I don't really express my feelings for no one and this is kinda like another #Fear huh? Well, Im gonna face my fear. Tomorrow...Im gonna tell them how I been feeling for the last 7 months. Lol...as I sit here thinking about it...like many different outcomes come to me. Like I don't even know how to describe how I feel about you in words at all. The emotions are there...the connection is flaming...I just don't know. And I don't wanna come between you and whoever you dating...so I'll just wait because if I keep believing that we will be together...then hopefully we will. Now why can't I say that to you? Idkk lol! But until next blog, #2crucial Out!

So my best friend...more like a sister texted me and was like she wanted to tell her moms that she was gay. I just told her like it was...her mom might trip but she has to do what makes her happy. If she happy, thats all that matters. Thats just something that her mom has to deal with. Of course, she will be in denial for a min...but it doesn't matter. It might take a burdon off her shoulders if she feels its the right time to tell her. I mean somethings are gonna be awkard but hell we just have to deal with them. That takes alot of courage to do something like that. For all we know, she might inspire someone else to tell there family. Nobody can stop you from being you...

Good Morning/Afternoon 2crucial lovers haha. So life has been awesome. I got rid of negative influences and came out with positive outcomes. So I been taking my sisters advice and been patient with HB. We been texting alot lately...which Im hoping thats a good sign. Last nite we talked on the phone which was awesome. Haven't heard their voice in a while. I laughed at first because I was actually nervous to talk to them on the phone...but after a couple of mins I started talking to him. He had me laughing most of the nite...he is really a cool down to earth person. I could see us dating, but I don't want to set myself up for failure. So I'm gonna stay in my friend zone lane until he is ready. I know haha...I talk about them alot on here, just seem like the only thing good I have going for me right now. I mean this is someone that I can be myself around, be nice to, and someone that makes me smile. Lol...I could go on and on but Im just gonna say...Until next blog #deuces #2crucial

Well, I finally figured out what my greatest fear was. Rejection. I know it seems like the most stupidest thing to fear but yet I do. Its with alot of things that I fear. Like what if I don't get accepted into the college of my choice? Or what if my friends decide to all diss me at a certain period. I believe my biggest fear is being rejected by family and the person I care about. I don't know why but everybody has their flaws. I will not let my fear take control of my life tho. I've strive to get rid of my fear this year and HOPEFULLY I will. Like now, Im chasing my greatest fear now. I have enough faith, time, and patience for it. Speaking of patience, Im still on my journey to find it. Its kinda hard, but I think I can maintain. So, I believe that this is it ppl. Until next blog, deuces.

Hey ppl! I had a good day today. I had a good talk with my sister and my mom. I realized that patience is key. Yeah even that means staying in the friend zone until I decide to tell you, or having that assurance that I will be ready to take on the relationship. You know what y'all, Im gonna hang in there! I just got to wait a while, but i'll be cool. So I wanted to iChat them tonite, but its this little thing called fear knocking at my door. I mean what do I say to them when we get on? Hahaha! I think I should at least try it. I'll see...anyways back to this situation. They say that good things come to those that wait & my sis said that there is a good chance if I base the relationship around friendship, then we are more likely to stay together. Soo, I think I will do the check in thing ha! When I talk to you, I feel like a STAR! Lmao Im through, Im just over excited! Deuces!! =)

Smdh. Im tired of waiting. As I sit here talking to my friend and playing #Fantasia - When Your In Love, I realized that I have been through alot for you. What this is like the 7th month of our friendship. Im starting to feel you but I don't know where we stand. I mean, I already know your situation, but I stick in there for you. I just don't get the same thing back. We don't talk about things as much, so I run to my blog to release alot of stress. If you only understood how I felt, asked me how I feel about things, I believe this friendship could go strong. There isn't enough communication involved. As much as I hate to say it, there is a lack of communication. I need to stop running to my blog, and come to you for closure. Smh, but I don't know how you would react. I just want you to keep it 100 and put everything on the table. Trying to follow what my heart is saying, but its getting difficult. Its hard to tell you wassup. Hell, I still get nervous to text you, let alone let you know how I feel. When will things change and go back to what they use to be.

Lol! Okay, don't judge me. Im just in too good of a damn mood to not blog again. Ohh, I forgot to tell y'all some anyways. Last nite, me & my sister had like this big argument. I mean some serious. It was kinda over some stupid tho. Cuz Im the type of person who if you raise your voice at me and I ask you nicely to stop and you don't, chances are Im gonna snap back. So it was me, my sis, and our best friend on the phone last nite when we got into the argument. Like we were rightously snapping on each other back and forth until finally she just got pissed off and hung up. Our best friend called me and was like ''Whats wrong with that fool?'' lmao! Man I was 38 hot and just told her I wiped my hands with her. Idk if I meant it or not tho. Thats my baddest, bestest, sis. Maybe i'll stop being stubborn and call her today. KEYWORD, maybe.

Hum. Oh good morning everybody!! Lol. I know yall wondering, Where 2crucial been? Well, let me catch ya up on my life haha. Okay, *exhales*, got rid of 2 ppl I thought was my friends but turned out to be on some dirty ish. Like, let me tell you what happened. Okay so my ex friend Court, posted a pic of the person I was blogging about to her profile and her and my other ex friend Murphy just going in on the picture. Good thing my real friends seen it and handle the situation for me since I was unavaliable at the moment. But, everything is cool, I didn't even curse them out. I just unfollowed them on twitter and don't talk to them at school no more. Alrite, on to GREAT NEW haha. So lately I got my friend back and Sunday we had them deep text convos. Noo nosey ass ppl Im not gonna tell you what they were about, but it was a fun day. On from that, I been stress free and dramaless since I removed them ppls outta my life. Guess it was all in God's master plan right? Haha, so until later #2crucial chuckin up the deuces!!!

Hey ppl!!! Lmao! Yess I am happy! No, Im not bipolar! So *looks up* everything went according to plan. I sent the message and stayed up for like 15 mins and I was like fuck this. So I went into my whole deep dark depression phase. I went to sleep for like an hour and when I woke up, I seen their name scrolling across the screen. So as I opened it, the message load that slow. I was like hurry the fuck up lmao! So we are back cool. Man y'all just don't know how happy I am. Im like so excited! Glad we are back friends. Hopefully little ish wont fuck this friendship up. I plan on making it to a year. They seem like a ride or die friend so LETS GET IT

Well, I did like yall told me and sent the message. Worst mistake I ever made. I kept preparing myself for the worst. Like I knew that I wasnt gonna get a response. Im giving up on this chapter. I learned that no one deserves my kindness and caring. Im staying to myself from now on. I mean that shit hurts when you put all your time, your effort, your everything in a text. No tears falling from my face tho. I think that my prayer didn't go nowhere. As much as I keep thinking about it, the more it crush my soul. I keep replaying that day over and over, the look on my face when I seen that text, my emotions scattered all on the floor. Like rightous, it feels like you didn't give a fuck from the jump. I just having like a self conflict. My mind is lost. I'll just have to pick up the pieces and move on. I will not let this shit happen to me again. But there is one thing I can say, you live up to your name greatly Heartbreak. #2cruciallybroken

Well, Im back. I didn't text him. Just didnt seem like the right moment. I mean, shidd I don't know how he would respond. You know, I have actually started making my blog kinda like my online journal. Anyways, smh, I really need to stop being so chicken. Its 2k11. One of my goals was to stop letting fear hold me back. Guess I should start living by that huh? As I sit here listening to Jazmine Sullivan - Stuttering, my mind set is on this blog, that song, and him. All this has something to do with one another. Smh, idk why I can't let go. When you get so attached to something, I guess it starts to eventually become essential for you to have. Its a shame that it ended that way and I keep dewelling on if we would have just talked about it. Would things have been the same or different? It really would help if he would read my blogs. This is where most of my real truth is at. Im not much of a affectionate person so my blog is where its at. So im hoping later on today that I could send this text. I think its like 8 pages long. Lol, I had alot to say and Im praying to god that I get a reply. Even if its negative.

Smh. Havent been feeling the same since December 28. Thats the day that everything went down. Damn, I can't take it back either. I tried to act all cool about it, but that shit just aint working. I mean, its not like I can't get someone else and let it go. I have ppl trying to talk to me but I don't want none of them. Like the apperance don't mean a damn thing if Im attracted to someone else, someone that has stuck around for 6 months. Damn, the shit like killed me when I got that text, when I seen that unfollow on twitter, when I see that unfriend on Facebook. I literally threw my phone at the wall and it broke. Im not mad at him tho, I was in the wrong. I knew I was hurt if I couldnt get out my bed for 3 days to even grab my macbook and type my blogs. I wouldn't mind if we just talked it over, instead of leaving the situation. Pause for a min, Im trying to have a serious moment and everytime I type, I hear Drake voice saying ''Well here goes nothing''. UGH okay back to my life, Im aggervated as shit. I can't even believe this is happening. I plan on texting him sometime to see if we can talk about the situation, or at least become friends afterwards. I wonder if he thinks about me sometimes? Probably not. Smh, man I stay thinking deep. My friends say Im acting like Keith Sweat but IDGAF. I just idk. The only person I opened up to forreal. Well, sighh, until the next blog #2crucial

Sighh, I screwed up. Today I figured out why we aren't talking. So Im sitting here, in a blank. I had to leave my friend house just so they wouldnt see me cry. My feelings, my emotions, my heart, was all in the wrong place. I wish we could have just talked about the situation instead of just taking it to a whole different level. Im glad that Im walking home, Im glancing over the fact that I miss you, that I haven't got over you. The whole time, I blamed you for the reason why we weren't talking anymore. When in the long run, after today I realized it was my fault. Im scared to tweet, call, or text you. The point was, I wasn't trying to make you jealous because thats some childish shit. I have real feelings for you and somehow I always will. Because you were the first person that I had respect for outside of Facebook and twitter. The first person I rode 1000's of miles to come see. The first person I treat like you were my world and the first person I got attached to in a long time. I argued my friends and lost some for you. You know as I type this, the more it hurts and the more I cry. I just wanna apologize for disappointing you like the rest.

Hey everybody! Back at it again and happy new year to everybody!! Lol, so I gotta give y'all the dish on my drama. Here goes nothing. Okay so the person I been talking to for 6 months decided to leave, like I thought they would. I had a feeling and thats why I will not trust anyone ever again, but they will always have my friendship. *holds head down* umm, okay...ughh I promised I wasnt gonna cry lol. I was a little broken about it when they told me have a nice life, still am actually. Im getting over it slowly I guess. Anyways, on the bright side, I have become more independent. I getting my letters from colleges now too. Im starting to talk to people now. Not giving no play tho lol.! I end up burning up my goals for 2011 and redoing them. Hopefully me and them will be cool again. Sighh, I didnt make a different me because in 2010 I changed me. Hopefully this year would be more epic than last years. Cuz this year, IM DOIN ME! Forreal