Goodbye Game . . .

Played a game of russian roulette yesterday & the gun end up being pointed on me. I thought that if I gave you a piece of your own medicine that you would finally get my point of view. Never did I expect you to pull an okee doke on me. Last night, I'll have to say was the worst day of 2012 that I've had. . . Well the worst that I've had in a whole. My feelings shredded as I cried every ounce of pain, hurt, broken dreams, & drama out of my life. Trust me when I say that isn't a good feeling at all. I kept asking myself foolishly "what did I do wrong?" & that question stayed on my mind all night til the point where I couldn't sleep. I think I got one hour of sleep maybe thirty minutes. Got up & I ran all the way to my sister house which is like 2 miles. I had more ambition this morning becuz I was trying to heal the hurting. Kept smiling infront of 2 out of the 3 of my sisters. I got a text from Sai judging my love & in the end we left the conversation dry. Another game of Russian roulette. Okay. I thought the game was over so I let my guard down & next thing you know I'm on the phone with one of my best friends practically a bro & he tells me that he told Sai about the discussion that we had on the phone. I'm pondering like, so your the reason I'm going thru what I'm going thru. #BANG another shot, this time in the back. I guess secret conversations aren't secret anymore. I tried to keep my composure...that's until I got on the phone with my sister. I rarely cry, but when I do I've got to be 38 hot & tired. Today was the day. Been wounded several times by the game of Russian roulette has taught me some. Always be careful of surroundings. You never know who's watching.

Untitled

Love was just a four letter word misused to express the heart of following words . . . It's tough to let down your defenses to someone when you've had it up for so long. I'm bugging, like some things I trust you with some things you say and others I don't but others my heart just roll with it so to say. I don't get my emotions caught up around anyone before & I don't really plan to. I see it as, I'm young & I have my whole life ahead of me to be worried about love but it seems as tho that you've changed that whole perspective. I guess that's what happens when you don't put any effort into finding someone. I know that god has a plan for everything but I think that love is not included in there or at least that's what I thought. Only he knows

New Life . . .

I been sitting up here reading old blogs from when I first started out & I realized how far I've come. I went from being young & simple minded to a mature young man. From getting my dreams crushed by my first real love, to finding that person of my dreams. From struggling to being in a comfortable state of finance. I can honestly say that I learned alot of things along the way. I don't regret anything in my life becuz it made me the strong person that I am today. My life isn't perfect. It has it's ups and downs but I can honestly say that I'm happy now. I'm friends with people that I adore, I have a comfortable relationship that's been going 3 months strong. When I was young, I went thru alot of older experiences. But when I got older, I was prepared & it made me aware of my surroundings & the people in it. Sometimes you gotta remember where you came from to see exactly where your going & that's what I did tonite. I have a person that loves me, a kid that adores me, & a family thats always there for me. I have a blessed life. & I'm going to do what I gotta do enjoy my new life. I won't look back becuz I know I gotta stay on track. Gotta pack up my yesterday's.