Chasing pavements

Lately my days have been hell. I've been having the most annoying, hectic, mood swinging days for like a week now. I'm actually tired of chasing pavements with a person I'm not even dating. Idk if it's becuz I didn't start dating him immediately or what. I just know that I'm not Finna continue on with it. I mean, I'm tired of feeling like shit. Feeling as tho I'm not worth more than the dirt on the ground. I know I'm not suffering from depression becuz I just keep to myself too much for that. I smh for trying to get back out there. I sugarcoat everything with a smile, a joke, even a wise crack around my friends. I laughed my last laugh to keep from crying. I haven't shed my last tear tho. They won't drop but they are there somewhere. Classes, they are wearing me down to the point where I just wanna quit school. I'm tired of everything and everybody. I want the old me back...the carefree, always smiling, cracking jokes Morrow. I feel like a abandoned child left to fend for his own even tho I'm a young adult. The last tear, yelling, screaming isn't worth it no more. Is it wrong to just wanna go back. If so...give me 6 reasons why. Becuz as of now I'm just done

Yeah, you've change.

For my new years resolution, I said that I was going to change. True enough I change somewhat. I'm meanier, emotionionless, cold-hearted...all that. I have a nice side but it's not as transparent as it use to be. It use to show real clear but now, humph. You'd be lucky to get a hey from me. I've recently been talking to this guy I somewhat like. His name is Sean. Sean is...idk. It's like we have fun talking but he say mean shit. True enough I like a challenge but not when they just be like whatever. I mean when he asked me for my number he was nice and cool. Smooth I may add. Now, smh. It's like he making me draw back. I mean his smart, sarcastic comments use to be like that's cute. Now, it seems like he is just getting ridiculous with it. I told his ass specifically that I wanted to get to know him. I swear I'm getting aggravated as shit now. It's like he gets attitude with me for no reason. I'm tired. I just wanna be single. When I say SINGLE I mean I don't want no one talking to me unless it's as a friend. Becuz this dating shit isn't working for me. I think that's my best bet. To assure this, I'm focusing on me and getting this school together. I guess what I'm basically trying to say is that I'm putting everything in the hand of the man upstairs from now on. I started changing my image today. Got my hair cut different and I plan on letting it grow on out at the top. Time for a change.

Anticipation

I noticed that I been thinking and talking about HB alot. True enough I accept us being friends but it's like I'm afraid to face rejection. I talked to Mauri about it and she was like she understands me completely. I know I've moved on or at least think I have because I've been thinking about this other person all day. He's funny and makes me smile. Even tho he doesnt have the same characteristics as HB, I don't think no one will. I just wanna go back to June 22, 2010 when we first started talking and correct some things. Im also afraid that you might leave one day. Never told you but yeah. I think you only read my blog once. Back last year in December. All this month I been having flasbacks. That's when I was the only person you tweeted day and night. Now, I barely get a hi. I wonder if I ever sent you my blog website would you ever look? it's so much shit that would be uncovered about us. I think this is gonna be a rough end of the year becuz I'm gonna be constantly reminded of you thru the cold weather. Especially at the battle of the bands. O honestly think I'm gonnna miss out on that this year. I think I'm gonna miss out going to my cousin Kim house in philly becuz that's where you stay. I just anticipate the day when I get over my fears. Sincerely , Marco

Tears of Joy...FINALLY!!!

Hey ppl. So last night I was emptying out my Facebook messages when I came across a old message from HB. Weird right? I called my best friend Brian up and told him what I found. I was finna get ready to delete it but I kept it. So here I am, reading what me and him use to talk like. I was laughing so hard at the things I was saying. I thought back when I first start talking him...which according to Facebook was June 22, 2010 when I sent my first message to him. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was at work sitting at my desk in the media lab. I was doing what I normally did at work...tweet and facebook when I seen his status pop up saying "The Question Game. Hmu in my mail if you wanna play." so I hit him up. My first question was how old you really are? Idk where that question came from but I do remember me being nervous as shit man. Lol, cuttinup. I remember from that point on that we started talking I was nervous. I looked through the messages and read them out to Brian over the phone. I started tearing up when I was reading becuz shit that's alot of history I had. I remember when I told him that I was afraid to message him & he asked me why. I really didn't have a good reason so he told me that I had no reason to be afraid. That made me smile odee big. Tears of joy, none of sorrow flowed down my face. I thought about all I been thru this past year. I realized that even if he don't know it...that will always be my goon.:')

Starting Fresh...

Whassup ppl! Gotta start blogging more but I'm back. Ummm...idk where to start off man. Well, I have been doing odee well. I've been keep on my grind an focusing on my studies like I promised my mom. Can't afford to waste her money. I been doing good so far as the "moving on stage". Yesterday I seen HB on my sister Facebook page and took a stroll down memory lane. Now usually I would have broke out into tears but this time I smiled an laughed at all the good times I could remember. It really touched a warm spot in my heart. The only thing about it I still have a fear of texting him. Oh well. I gotta get over that and get to texting. One the other hand, Im starting to like someone new but I'm actually scared to tell them. How many fears do I have? Lol cuttinup ! That's my new phrase btw. ShoutOuts to my loves Tamisha and Simone Rigby. I finally got blogging buddies. . Man, but my life is really good now so I hope that it keeps being that way. Im gonna work on getting over these fears and become new.

Truth is...

I ain't been on here in a minute man. First off...Buenos Dias, good moaning, all that lol. Ummm...my life has been going fairly well. I been doing pretty good. Ever since my last post, I've been doing awesome until tonite. No, before y'all start concluding shit it's not even about HB. It's just in general. You ever had that person that swears they are like the realist thing on the whole damn planet & turns out to be faker than the hair sitting on Lil Kim head?! Yeah met one of them mofos like 2 weeks ago. You know, they claim that they the most honest thing on the whole damn planet but yet when it boils down to it they just honest in alling shit out that you do but not about they do. They use lines like "Keep it 100"  but with who tho? Alot Of ppl gone be pissed after this post but I can give a less fuck right about now. I myself, I'm not gonna lie I keep it 100 with myself but with others it's like 82. Some ish...change that...alot of shit I keep to myself for a reason. I met this person, true enough made me change my shit around but lied thru the whole process. That ain't no where near cool. It's alright tho cuz I'm gonna do like I been doing. Smiling thru it all...& put it in the hand of the man upstairs. Sincerely yours, 2crcuial. 