Harder than I thought

I thought I was so far ahead. I thought that I was over the fact that even tho I put in so much hard work, so much time in that I would eventually get over it. For the longest I thought we would be together. I wished, hoped, dreamed, damn near prayed that we would. I tried to play a song that we first made conversation off of when we first started talking. Who's been loving you? Never did I think it would have such a toll impact on the way I actually feel about you. Shit, then I think that I'm no longer in the friends zone. Ughh, I regret the day that I told you I had feelings for you. Maybe we would have been tighter than before. Closer than we were before. Maybe I should have held down my station #FriendZone. Does it really have to hurt? Are these tears really necessary? I wish for that moment where we can be cool & actually meet. Smh, #MarcoAshton leaving. 

Forgiving

Hmmm...what's up people? Let's see...I went to church yesterday. Even tho I didn't actually get to go upstairs to hear the choir sing & the sermon by the pastor, I really learned something today. I learned that forgiveness is key to everything. I always been told that, just never paid it any attention. I'm gonna go back next Sunday if LaVee picks me up. Right now, I'm just sitting here at the table listening to Fantasia " I'm here". I'm getting back into the habit of blogging if you understand where I'm coming from. I just got thru watching Behind The Music 2 : Mary J. Blige. I never knew that she went thru many trials & tribulations in her life. That's probably why I can relate to most of her music. Looking at the show tonight almost really made me cry. I understood every single thing she mostly been thru. From the mistreat in the relationship with K-Ci...to searching for someone to love her & furthermore loving herself. I'm on the stage right now : Loving Myself. I hope I get it right this time. I love the phrase that Mary used tonight "I'm not perfect. I'm not an angel. I'm just a work in progress." I think that's gonna be the theme for my new pictures. In the words of Jennifer Hudson "Better believe I got this". On that note, until next blog #MarcoChilds Out !!  

Bracing for church

4 am...I'm barely getting any sleep. I had to been sleep at 1:20 or some like that. I feel alot is on my mind for some strange...awkward reason. Or maybe it's someone that's on my mind. Right now, typing this blog feels like a dream or a thinkman of my imagination. Maybe my late night stays has something to do with my mind. I think I just need to relax some. That's kinda hard. I wish right about now that I had some sorta type of sleeping pills. "California King Bed" by Rihanna just came on. I like that part when she says "I been California wishing on these stars." This song is really relaxing. My eyes are kinda getting heavy listening to it tho. Maybe I'm getting sleepy. Ooo I like this part "Maybe I been California Dreaming." I'm really feeling her on this song. Music is really my life I could say. Probably why I watch less tv anyways. I guess you could say it's the pieces of me. Hmmmm, night loves. #MarcoChilds Out !!

Ephiany

Today was good. Ummm...woke up this evening real late say about 5 some. Went to sleep at 7 this morning. Me & my friends started talking about making a new book. We gonna call it "Gay Girls Lullaby". My sister LaVee says that with a title like that it should be real deep. The story is starting off good. We just gotta keep making progress everyday. Im really liking the whole idea. On the other hand, I found out that one of my favorite singers Amy Winehouse died today in her home. That really did bring tears to my eyes. I listen & breathe her music everyday. I was really hoping that she was gonna come out with a new cd but I guess not. Everything happens for a reason I guess. On from that, I think tomorrow I'm gonna go to church. It's been a while since I been. Hopefully it goes good...hopefully. I don't think I'm gonna stay up late tonight tho. Smh, can't be sleeping in church now can I? #NewsFlash man that song "I'm A Star" by Chrisette Michele just came on. Hmph, that was the song playing the whole night me & HB first talked on the phone. Sigghh...I guess. Coming from a new point of view...until next blog #MarcoChilds Out !!!

For Colored Girls

Tonight is just a laid back night. Been watching movies...enjoying my company you could say. I watched For Colored Girls for the first time. It was really good. I know the movie is dedicated to black women, but I can somewhat relate to like three of the women. Janet (Joanna) her character is somewhat my entire life. I mean always being told "I'm sorry" by the person you love most of the time really does get tired...aggravating I might add. Hmmm...what would we do for the person we love? Another soul I can relate too I would say Loretta Devine (Wanetta Sims). We have the same problem. Fall in love with that one person & when they are gone...we try to leave them alone but when they come back...we accept anything. It's more to that story but you guys should already know. I would say my third person would be ol girl who was sleeping with all them dudes (Tangie). Even tho I'm a virgin, I still talk to alot of people. Maybe because we been hurt by that one person that we feel the need not to trust anyone. I still feel that way...therefore I still do what I do. Maybe one day I'll stop & think about it. Thats another story tho. I really thank Tyler Perry for making this movie tho. It's very, very good. So I'm still learning, still growing & one day I'm gonna get it all right. These late night stays, these epiphanies I keep having is really easing my mind. One thing I learned tonight from watching this movie is this...My love is too pure to be thrown back in my face & my love is too complicated to be thrown back in my face. Until next blog...#MarcoChilds out !!   

A better me

I have high hopes...big dreams for myself. Never have I actually took the time to sit down & actually think about what foot is next for my life. So while watching Necessary Roughness on demand, I grabbed the little black book. I know what your probably thinking. No it's not the black book where you keep your loves numbers in. It's a little black book that Tina (my summer college course teacher) gave us. She told us if we ever had a thought or wanted to write, grab that book & let the pen flow. When she actually gave us the book the thought that came to my mind was "She must be crazy...I ain't finna use this shit." Truth be told, I'm using the hell outta it. I wrote down places I wanted to visit before I turn 45. I wrote down professions I actually might wanna pursue in my life. I always add a new one to that category because I can't seem to make up my mind on what to choose. I still can't make up my mind on what college to go to tho...or which degree to get first. I think I want five degrees....all masters. The time for games is really over. Time for me to grow up & take responsibility of the man I'm becoming. Independent...is what I'm trynna become. Today a put my first bill in my name. I felt so happy. I'm gonna start working on a bank account tho. I should have one by now instead of sharing one with my grams. Truth be told, the break is really benefitting me alot. I love the fact that I'm doing something right. This years focus is to make myself known. We'll see how that goes. Getting much wiser & learning more. Hopefully, Marco Childs name will be in them big beautiful lights somewhere for something great. Haha, #Hopefully. Anyways, I think I'm done for tonite. Until next blog, #MarcoChilds Out !!

Growing

This one is named Growing. You know, we always wonder why we never get the one we want...or maybe its just me. Anyways, I wondered that for the longest. You guys already know the story from the rest of the old blogs. My struggle to get that one person that I like so much to get to like me back. Some things you have to grow from. I think I am tho. Who would ever guess that it would be a long break from social sites, texting, & talking on the phone? I did something for me...for a change. Went to Philly for a week. Just me to relax & enjoy myself. Now, I'm back at home. Phone still off but I'm actually enjoying it.  Went on twitter last week to tell one of my brothers happy birthday. Did that for Facebook as well. The break, hmmmm never thought it would be so damn easy I guess. On a real tip, I have no problem talking to or as you may say "typing" my lifestory out to blogger. The reason why is because maybe there is someone out there. Someone just like me, who's been going thru what I am or is going thru what I'm going thru & sees my point of view. I gotta say tho...I wonder what life has in store for me. I'm just hoping & praying that it maybe something great. Each tear & downfall...there's a lesson. Let it flow...#MarcoChilds out!!